Book Rec: What Happened to You?

“…the most powerful form of reward is relational. Positive interactions with people are rewarding and regulating. Without connection to people who care for you, spend time with you, and support you, it is almost impossible to step away from any form of unhealthy reward and regulation.”

Our earliest experiences shape our lives far down the road, and “What Happened to You?” book provides powerful scientific and emotional insights into the behavioral patterns so many of us struggle to understand.

I strongly encourage you to listen to the audiobook which is narrated by the authors, Dr. Perry and Oprah. I have read a lot of books recently on trauma, mental health and generational heritage; I think this one really transforms how I (and we all) look at trauma and better understand the impacts from an early age.

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Have you ever wondered "Why did I do that?" or "Why can't I just control my behavior?" Others may judge our reactions and think, "What's wrong with that person?" When questioning our emotions, it's easy to place the blame on ourselves; holding ourselves and those around us to an impossible standard. It's time we started asking a different question.

Through deeply personal conversations, Oprah Winfrey and renowned brain and trauma expert Dr. Bruce Perry offer a groundbreaking and profound shift from asking “What’s wrong with you?” to “What happened to you?”

Here, Winfrey shares stories from her own past, understanding through experience the vulnerability that comes from facing trauma and adversity at a young age. In conversation throughout the audiobook, she and Dr. Perry focus on understanding people, behavior, and ourselves. It’s a subtle but profound shift in our approach to trauma, and it’s one that allows us to understand our pasts in order to clear a path to our future - opening the door to resilience and healing in a proven, powerful way.

Discussion Guide to “What Happened to You?”

1. This book shifts the question from “What’s wrong with you?” to “What happened to you?” How does this perspective change the way we view others and their behavior? What about our self-perception? Do you think this shift would help you understand someone differently?

2. Oprah and Dr. Perry emphasize the science behind how trauma affects brain development. Which neurological insights surprised you? How do you think our brain’s response to trauma influences personal mental health and healing?

3. I loved Oprah’s personal stories. Dr. Perry’s patients also helped illustrate the profound effects of early childhood experiences. Which stories stood out to you? How do they impact your knowledge on resilience and recovery?

4. One of the key points Oprah makes in her own childhood is the powerful impact of church and her church community in “weathering” the ups and downs. How does creating a community through church or other groups impact your own mental wellbeing?

5. How do relationships play a role in healing from trauma? Can society create more supportive environments for people overcoming difficulties?

If you want to read more about trauma and mental health, check out The Body Keeps the Score.

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